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'Europe was fun, with you at least, but I need to get back to work," I said."As do I," Martin admitted. "By the way the admiral sent you a peace offering." With that he handed me another ceramic cane."One cane gun is all I need," I replied."The problem with the cane shotgun is that you can't carry the shells onto he plane, so if you need it immediately, it is club but not good for anything else." And how is this one any different?" I asked.He pulled hard on the handle and a long ceramic knife blade came into view. "This one is going to be harder to spot." God, you know how I hate knives," I replied."It's better than nothing," Martin suggested."Yes it is. Tell the Admiral thanks, but I'm still pissed." I said."I think he knows that. He said to tell you that it was nothing personal," Martin said."Oh, would that make us any less dead?" I asked."No, but I can see the need to have done it, but he really should have given us more credit." Martin suggested."Martin it's like we tell the bad. It was a pain that left a tiny scar that I could have avoided. However, that night also forced me to address my own jealous feelings and find a way to cope.My current coping mechanism is to embrace it fully. Yes, I get jealous. No that feeling won’t go away. But I will use it to my own choosing, hopefully creating some provocative writing from it instead of letting it consume me whole. I have imagined our trio in every possible way, you and her while I am left out, me fucking someone while she denies you again, me and my ex as you tear yourself down in your own lonely room. Admit the feelings and own them. Be the boss of them and never let them leave another scar.I will always tell you when I get hit on. Sometimes just out of my habit for honesty. Other times specifically to stir that green boiling pool in your mind. I mention dating, finding a boyfriend that I can be free and open to go and do things with in the daylight instead of our midnight, unseen passions. I don’t tell you.
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